


Before the Talking, Take Two

by pebbles1971



Series: Older and Wiser [5]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M, Neurodiversity, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 04:15:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18087236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pebbles1971/pseuds/pebbles1971
Summary: Rodney and John’s first time, and a little about what happens after, from the POV of Rodney’s busy, busy and oh so curious brain.





	Before the Talking, Take Two

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite of Before the Talking, this time from Rodney’s POV, a prequel to my stories Spectrum and Epiphany (in which our heroes finally learn to communicate and discover they are both neurodivergent). It's set 7 years previously in the first year of the Atlantis mission. It can be read as a stand-alone because there’s very little plot. Spoilers for Season 1, particularly Eps 10,11, 14,16-20  – The Storm, The Eye, Sanctuary, The Brotherhood, Letters from Pegasus, The Gift, The Siege pts 1&2\. The main scene takes place directly after the events of The Brotherhood(S1 Ep16) and the epilogue spans the rest of the series.

 

Rodney’s emotions are all over the place and really, he just wants to be left alone. He can sense that risky feeling coming on, that he gets when he feels overwhelmed and just wants to have a good cry but more than likely will say something stupid, bite someone’s head off or otherwise make a dick of himself.

Today’s meltdown is brought to you by a) seeing Kolya, the man who tortured him b) a smart woman seeming to like him but then betraying him and taking the ZedPM they risked so much to find c) seeing a man die and then watching the Major about to meet the same fate d) the Major saving his own life with math, the Major revealing that he applied for Mensa and suddenly and implausibly becoming _even more hot._

Like that’s even possible.

Oh, and e) there’s a hive ship on its way and they’re all going to die, but he’s trying not to think about that one at all, especially when Elizabeth insisted they all get some downtime before focussing on the next problem.

And now the Major wants to come to Rodney’s room and watch _Kill Bill_ with him and Rodney really isn’t sure if the man is going to get shouted at, jumped, or just watch Rodney disintegrate. He feels so out of control of himself it scares him.

So, he does a thing he remembers to do only occasionally, which is shut up and breathe. He watches the film, more Tarantino nonsense but the violence is quite cathartic, and tries to ignore that the Major’s body is a distance measurable in relatively small amounts of millimetres away from his own. Unable to filter sound, he can hear the Major’s breathing and it seems loud. He times his own breaths to Sheppard’s rhythm and forces himself to not think about how hot that is.

Rodney doesn’t so much calm down as his mind becomes single track, away from Kolya and Allina and the wraith and onto the Major’s proximity. He’s on a bed with John Sheppard and although they’ve done that before and nothing whatsoever happened, this time the tension is worse. Rodney fervently wishes it wasn’t one-sided but suspects the growing hope that Sheppard might be at least a little bit his way inclined is just wishful thinking.

It started off being just that little jolt Rodney gets when he sees a hot guy and appreciates him. Rodney isn’t bothered by his attraction to men – he dated two guys in college – but on the whole, he’s found women easier to date and in the last decade or so he’s not really thought much more about a guy making his dick jump than _oh hey, that’s cute,_ and moved on to think about something more important. Since working with the US military he’s been even less interested in getting embroiled in the ludicrous politics of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

So when his dick keeps noticing the Major repeatedly over weeks and months he tries to have a word with it. _Off limits, buddy, why don’t you move along to some nice Athosian woman?_

But Rodney Junior had become single track. Even Allina on Dagan really didn’t get the response she should have. Once, she would have been exactly his type, enough for him to overcome his fluster and act far more decisively.

And then the Major keeps nearly dying, and one time _actually_ dying, and Rodney realises he has feelings about that, which go a little beyond his dick, and isn’t that just splendid. Th Major’s hair starts to change from “ridiculous” to “adorable” and those full lips, dammit, begin to look entirely kissable.

Rodney even begins to imagine a certain chemistry between the two of them but then Chaya happens, and he knows he’s just imagining things. If anything, the Major is more sarcastic and teasing of him than he was before and honestly Rodney doesn’t understand why the guy would want to hang out with him when he obviously thinks Rodney is a bit of a dick. Which he is, of course, but some days he wants someone to see there’s more to him than the persona he awkwardly projects to keep everyone at distance. Because John Sheppard isn’t everybody.

He realises he isn’t paying any attention to the film at all, but listening to the Major breathing, which is strangely erotic. And then suddenly the Major’s thigh is pressed against his and they both stop breathing entirely.

Well, that was unexpected. Oh god, he can feel the heat seeping through the Major’s BDUs and when the feeling retreats, he lets his thigh chase it, pressing back in a rather an obvious fashion, hoping this means something and terrified he’s about to be subject to a homophobic beating or just a disapproving walk-out.

But oh, he _hopes._

And sure enough, there’s the Major’s hand on his thigh and even given Rodney’s superlative ability to misunderstand communication, he thinks that’s a pretty clear signal, so he mirrors it.

His dick, which has been stirring since the Major sat on his bed, is all the way hard and the Major is unmistakably suffering from the same affliction. What is this, some military-coded buddy fuck or is Sheppard interested in him? Either way, Rodney reflects, it would be churlish to refuse, so he encourages the Major by stroking at the mirror point to where the Major placed his hand.

Oh yes, there was a twitch in the man’s BDUs, and isn’t that gratifying? This ridiculously hot, way out of his league flyboy is responding to _his_ touch. And oh, fuck, reaching across to stroke his erection. Jesus. Rodney can’t help but moan at the warm touch pressing through the fabric of his uniform pants.

And then the Major’s turning towards him and the laptop is closing and Rodney turns too and kicks it out of the way. Sheppard’s lips are coming tantalising close to Rodney’s and Rodney’s hand has moved to the Major’s erection, which, oh fuck it’s been too long since he touched another man and it feels so damn good.

 _Please be a kisser,_ thinks Rodney. One of his boyfriends wasn’t and he finds it inexplicable why someone would want to miss out on the sensory joy of a long, luscious French kiss with tons of tongue. But alas, Sheppard avoids his lips pointedly and starts to move down his body, pushing his shirt up as he goes. Rodney bites back a disappointed whine but then oh, hello, Sheppard’s mouth on his nipples discovering just how sensitive they are and that’s quite the compensation for no kissing.

‘Oh, god, yes!’ Rodney moans when Sheppard tweaks kind of hard, and he feels horribly self-conscious, suddenly aware that there hasn’t been any communication here at all and that he is unusually silent himself. Sheppard hasn’t said a damn word. He might have guessed the silent, stoic Major wouldn’t be a talker in bed, but really, he’s giving nothing away. Rodney has no idea what this is or what the man wants from him, beyond the obvious.

But really, he should just go with this, whatever this is he rationalises as the Major continues to torment his oh so sensitive nipples while running his hands lower. And then before he knows what’s happening Sheppard’s reaching for his dick and then his head is going lower and . . .

Christ. The Major has his mouth on him and it’s the best feeling he remembers having. The man is good at this and isn’t that a surprise because in all his wildest imaginings he can’t picture John Sheppard being the person who regularly goes down on men, but he’s taking Rodney a long way in without a hitch and his tongue knows exactly what to do. Too damn good and this really isn’t going to last long. Rodney looks down at the gorgeous sight of the Major with his full lips wrapped around his cock and almost comes just from that, but he wills himself to hang on for longer, to make this last because it’s likely a one off aberration and he doesn’t even want to think about what will happen after. And the sadness of that thought is enough to take the edge off and stop him from coming.

He can’t help himself but reach down and run his hands over Sheppard’s shoulders. Damn, but he’s gone on this man and it’s more than just lust. He knows his caress must give him away, as he runs a hand into that adorable permanently mussed hair and finds it surprisingly soft.

For a second, he imagines that the Major is pushing into his touch, responding to it, but then he switches emphasis, fondling Rodney’s balls, which elicits a moan from Rodney, and then tracing a finger to his hole and okay, so that’s unambiguous code for _less sappy stuff, more sex._

But at this point sex is very much on Rodney’s mind too, as that finger teases exactly where he wants Sheppard to be.

‘You can fuck me if you want. I have stuff,’ he may as well make the invitation that’s clearly being requested, it’s not like he doesn’t want it, it’s just that he would love to kiss Sheppard silly for seven hours straight before they get to that. He’s just not really a casual sex or buddy fuck kind of guy and he knows he’s only going along with this because he wants Sheppard so much, he’ll take him any way he can get.

The Major just looks up at him lustfully, still not saying a damn word, so Rodney just reaches for the condoms and lube and settles onto his stomach, pushing a pillow down to raise his ass. Suddenly he is gripped with panic about what the Major will think of him. Caught between opposing fears, that he will be seen for the inexperienced, sappy fool he is or that his wanton behaviour and readily on hand supplies will peg him as a slut for anything in BDUs.

 ‘I’m not . . .’  Rodney can’t even get the words out, ‘I mean, it’s not my first time but I don’t . . . I mean I have them just in case, I like to be prepared.’

But Sheppard seems not to care, he just pulls off Rodney’s boxers and pants and then slips out of his own clothes. Oh. Naked John Sheppard, but he’s not in a position to really take him in. He glances back as the man is undressing and sees all that fine, lithe muscle and manly hair. A gorgeous cock he really wants to get his lips round, sometime soon.

Then Sheppard kisses up the insides of his legs until he spreads them wider in invitation.

Oh, god, he is a slut. He just wants Sheppard inside of him. Now. When he skips past his ass with little more than a touch Rodney moans in frustration. But then the Major is taking off his shirt and kissing up his back, using his teeth in light nips right up to his neck and that is . . . he doesn’t know what that is, but it feels so seductive, so close and suddenly Sheppard feels like his lover, not just his fuck buddy and isn’t that confusing.

And Rodney is moaning and writhing under Sheppard’s touch just _shamelessly._ His lips trace down Rodney’s spine and across the cheeks of his ass and Rodney wonders if he’s going to be rimmed, wonders how he’d feel about that with no negotiation, not a word said, but it’s Sheppard’s lubed fingers that find his hole and slide in and yes, that feels so perfect it makes him squirm.

‘Mmmmm, so good.’ He’s beyond caring how wanton Sheppard’s touch is making him. The Major quickly and skilfully finds his prostate and between the little explosions of bliss from that and the total fucking high of _John Sheppard inside of me_ Rodney feels like he is floating two feet above the bed and he’s not afraid to let Sheppard know how good this is. One finger becomes two inside him, still working his prostate expertly and he knows he could probably come just from this, but he wants it to last. If this is the only time he ever gets to do this, he’s going to hoard the memory forever.

The trouble is the need to be fucked. right. now. Is overriding all other thoughts and . . .

‘Oh, please, I need . . .’ he hears himself begging and that’s not how he usually is in bed, he’s bossy and demanding, yes, but whiny and needy? And he’s fucking _trembling,_ for heaven’s sake. Trembling! But of course, he’s been longing for John Sheppard to be right there inside of him since the moment he saw him light up the ancient chair like his touch is magic.

Which, apparently it is and three fingers are now working him more urgently and the Major is being very considerate but Rodney is getting impatient.

‘Fuck me already, please just fuck me!’ He tries to make it sound like an order, but it comes out needy and whiny and begging. Thank god Sheppard responds favourably, and after the sound of ripping condom packet he soon feels the head of the Major’s cock pressing slowly against him and oh, his stupid heart is going to burst apart, let alone what’s happening to his dick.

‘God, Rodney,’ he hears Sheppard whisper above him. The man speaks! And he can almost imagine he hears that same powerful feeling that’s running through him in the Major’s voice. Oh, wouldn’t it be amazing if they were on the same page, if this was more than just a buddy fuck, if this could really be _something._ He chases words beginning with L out of his sex-addled brain, but words like that come so easy when Sheppard has eased all the way in and hooked an arm around him to pull him closer still and is kissing his back with what feels like affection. Rodney is so open to him and whispers ‘yes’ and sighs and moans and pushes back into him when Sheppard begins to move against him.

Being weighed down with another body is bliss in itself. Having John Sheppard’s hard-muscled body pressing him down? Fucking heavenly.

Sheppard pulls out nearly all the way and thrusts back into him slowly but relentlessly, silently pushing him higher. He repeats the move, but harder, and hits Rodney’s prostate firmly enough to make him see stars.

‘Yes, yes, just like that. Oh, god!’ Fuck, he is breaking apart from this and it’s beautiful and terrifying. Sheppard feels like he’s right there with him and at the same time the silence scares him. What he wouldn’t give to hear the man talk, hear him scream, right now. Rodney can feel his orgasm overtaking him and his moans are a noisy, desperate counterpoint to Sheppard’s silence. He’s picked up speed and is hitting Rodney’s prostate with every thrust. It’s almost killing him it’s so good. Just building and building implacably. Finally he cries out ‘oh, god, I’m coming!’ and the Major just keeps fucking him through a climax so powerful it almost makes him pass out, and then Sheppard is coming against him with sharp, desperate breaths and a loud, bitten-off cry that makes Rodney suddenly aware how much effort it has been taking the man to keep quiet.

_Huh._

And then, weirder still, Sheppard seems a little clingy, a little reluctant to let go of Rodney and pull out. Eventually, they separate and clean up, and Rodney thinks _well, that’s it then,_ but desperately doesn’t want it to be. He wants to twine himself around Sheppard and kiss him until he’s half-hard again. He watches Sheppard, who is now perched on the edge of the bed, looking ready to flee, and he can’t bear to let him.

Almost terrified to be revealing his heart, Rodney reaches to pull the Major down against him. He would go for a kiss but he isn’t that brave or that stupid, so he pulls Sheppard to his side and they spread out on the bed, the lengths of their bodies touching, and they slowly drift off into sleep.

 

When Rodney wakes up, Sheppard’s naked body is pressing up against him where he has managed to sleep-manoeuvre himself on top of the Major. The feeling of soft skin and hard dick pressing against him make him instantly awake and aroused. He squirms and wonders what to do. Long, languorous kissing and intense cuddles spring to mind, but he knows men like John Sheppard don’t go for such mushy stuff, so he puts things on a firm sexual footing.

‘Hello,’ he says, ‘are we doing a second round now?’

And this time, Sheppard’s silence is annoying him even as his body pressing up against Rodney’s in open invitation is blowing his mind.

‘What do you want, Sheppard?’ he asks, somewhat snappily.

‘For you to fuck me.’ Oh wow, clear direct communication from the Major for once, and it goes straight to his dick with a jolt. He had been expecting “blow me” but the last thing he expected from a military guy was to ask to be fucked. Just . . . wow. He just can’t work Sheppard out and it’s driving him a little crazy.

‘Okay,’ Rodney says, feeling instantly nervous that he’s just been put in the driving seat with this apparently more experienced man. He is trying to figure out just who Sheppard is – has he been fucking men all the way through his career? Does he ever get serious with anyone? And why Rodney? He can’t add up in his head why someone like John Sheppard would go for someone like Rodney McKay, even when stuck in another galaxy with just a handful of available people. But he supposes a fuck is a fuck and maybe he’s just a convenient warm body.

While he’s thinking all this, he’s idly stroking Sheppard’s dick and trying to go for a proprietorial stance like he’s _meant_ to be here. Fake it til you make it, isn’t that what they say? Maybe he can convince the Major he’s worth this continuing.

‘I want to look at you,’ he says, not really thinking through the consequences of that – that if he’s looking at Sheppard, the Major will be watching him back. But god, he wants to see – what Sheppard looks like while he’s being fucked, what drives the man, what’s in his closed-off heart. He thinks the lights on low.

Sheppard looks . . . taken aback, but strangely compliant. Allows Rodney to position him on the bed, put a pillow under him, push one leg back against his chest, running his hands over him as he goes. Sheppard’s dick is hard and leaking precum and he looks fucking delicious.

‘The hot Major in my bed,’ Rodney can’t help blurting out, devouring Sheppard with his eyes even as he wonders how the hell this happened. The Major looks oddly confused by this, like he doesn’t know how desirable he is, which is just ridiculous. Maybe Rodney’s worse at reading faces even than he thinks he is.

He slicks a finger and gently works it inside, watching Sheppard’s face as he does it. It’s stunning to watch his head tip back, eyes close, mouth open in pleasure just from one finger. He’s really tight, too, so maybe it’s been a while. Rodney takes his time, finding his prostate and working it carefully, first with one finger, then two, watching Sheppard give himself over to the pleasure of it. When he works a third finger in, Sheppard begins to move and squirm, shoving up into Rodney’s hand. It’s intoxicating to watch.

‘Rodney, please?’ Sheppard’s biting his lip and he sounds kind of desperate, just from Rodney’s fingers inside him. Wow.

‘What can I do for you?’ He says it not to humiliate him but because he can’t quite believe how much, in this moment at least, he is wanted. He can barely breathe from it.

‘Fuck me?’ Sheppard seems to be suffering from a similar affliction. Maybe Atlantis turned down the air.

‘God, yes.’ Rodney manages to say, and he tries to appear cool and confident and careful getting on the condom and pushing Sheppard’s legs back. It takes all his willpower not to be a fumbling, rushing dork and just leap on Sheppard in a clumsy attack. Instead he caresses down his legs and moves slowly, purposefully. His dick is at Sheppard’s – still, so tight – entrance and he’s pressing in and he really can’t believe he’s here. It might just be the best feeling he’s ever had.

As he presses in slowly and feels the other man tight around him, he looks up from what he’s doing and finds Sheppard’s eyes open once again and looking back at him and damn, that’s a puzzle he really wants to solve. There’s . . . _something_ in Sheppard’s eyes, something he recognises but can’t quite put his finger on. Something a little scared, maybe. Kind of vulnerable. And something else that’s hot and open and a little bit more complicated than lust. He stops moving, giving the Major a chance to relax and holding his gaze, determined he’s going to solve the puzzle that is John Sheppard if it takes a lifetime.

Sheppard’s eyes slowly close but as they do, he opens up to Rodney, letting him slide all the way into him and the two of them sigh in perfect synchronicity.

‘So good,’ Rodney says, and as he does so, Sheppard spreads his legs a little further, taking him deeper and pushing up against him and it’s so damn amazing and he’s just so beautiful. Rodney pulls out and presses back, slow but firm, pushing Sheppard down into the mattress and the Major’s body and breath respond to that with unambiguous heat.

Rodney wants and his wants are scaring him, threatening to overwhelm him. He wants this, sure, this here and now desire, the heat of sex, but he also wants what he always wants more than anything. To understand.

‘Would you . . .’ Rodney is terrified to ask this, because it reveals as much as it requests, but he is compelled. ‘Would you open your eyes and look at me?’

He knows it’s against character for either of them to do eye contact, and at a moment as intense as this, it’s ridiculously overwhelming, but even as he pushes hard into Sheppard’s body their gazes hold each other and fuck, those pale hazel eyes are ignited with something he can’t name that is so powerful it makes him want to cry. But for all the powerful feelings, he has more questions than answers and dammit, he wishes Sheppard would actually talk. Meanwhile, he supposes in the time it has taken to search that gaze all his own secrets are revealed, all the inappropriately romantic feelings he harbours for this gorgeous man.

‘Quite the enigma, aren’t you, Major?’ He says, and he drops Sheppard’s gaze, feeling more exposed than he expected he would. He’s not sure he’s ready to be as open as he’s compelled to be.

‘John,’ the man says to him because Rodney is too stupid to notice that despite all these feelings, all this closeness, he’s been holding the Major at arm’s length by avoiding his first name. ‘Call me John.’

‘John,’ he finally says, and god, he’s never used that name before on its own and it feels more intimate than anything they’ve yet done. And Shep- John is responding to hearing his name on Rodney’s lips like that really _means_ something.

‘John.’ Rodney says, and the new level of intimacy drives him forward and he’s picking up the pace, sinking into John harder and deeper, making him moan from it.

‘John,’ he says again, because now he can’t get enough, and it seems like John feels the same. ‘John John, John,’ oh god he’s so far gone on this man and if John can’t hear he’s head over heels and in way too deep then it’s a miracle. And maybe he wants him to know for just this moment and maybe there’s _something_ coming from John too as the man sighs beneath him, pushing up against him in as much need as him.

And then John’s coming, hard, his muscles contracting around Rodney and his untouched dick shooting come across his chest and through it he cries out Rodney’s name and Rodney’s heart expands as much as his dick throbs and he comes so hard inside John that all he can do is collapse against him.

John opens up and pulls him down and his arms go around Rodney and hold him tight.

God, maybe John Sheppard is his.

 

**Epilogue**

Rodney woke to light streaming through the window and an empty bed. And wasn’t that a big old kick in the gut? But the wraith were on the way, and he really had no time to think about John Sheppard in anything but a professional capacity. He hastily erected some armour (and a fair bit of scaffolding) around his heart and got on with the job. John acted just like he always acted, if perhaps a little more inclined than usual to be sarcastic or wind him up, but maybe he wasn’t alone in that, and maybe they were all more than a bit on edge for better reasons than being lovesick.

Of course, they didn’t talk, but when was there time?

 

‘So tell me how bad is it?’ Elizabeth asked when Teyla and John returned from the reconnaissance mission. John’s face looked grim.

‘Bad.’

‘I have never witnessed a culling that took so many,’ Teyla said eventually.

Sheppard’s ‘We saved a few’ didn’t lift the general mood from blank despair in the slightest. The man himself looked haunted.

 

Some time later, Sheppard found him on a break in the mess.

‘Rodney, a word?’

Oh god, Sheppard sounded . . . angry? Rodney really wasn’t getting enough sleep to handle this, but he just said, ‘sure, what is it Major?’

John looked around him and said, ‘I need to speak to you privately.’

‘There’s the meeting room . . .’

John turned on his heels and headed out without looking back. Rodney stood dumfounded for just a second then bussed his tray and followed. He was ready to spit fire.

‘What the fuck, Major?’ he said. Ready to be on the offensive the second he was in the room.

The Major’s face was unreadable, it looked kind of . . . dangerous. Rodney heard the room door lock click, and then the Major was stepping close to him like he wanted to bawl Rodney out or even hit him and then . . .

 _Huh_.

John had dropped to his knees and was fumbling with Rodney’s belt and only Rodney’s dick reacted.

_Fuck._

The rest of him just froze until John stopped and looked up uncertainly.

Rodney looked down at him, as puzzled as to why he’d stopped as to why he’d started. Oh.

‘Oh god. Yes.’ he said, and John’s fingers moved like lightning. In seconds he was in John’s mouth and already fully hard. John was fierce and relentless, and it still seemed like he was angry, and wasn’t that a mixed message? Rodney realised he understood John Sheppard less by the day. But oh, god it was good too and he was climbing quickly, and it felt like John was trying to choke himself, was desperate for something Rodney couldn’t figure but really, his brain was barely online what with the lack of sleep, the terror of wraith and now John Sheppard’s gorgeous mouth around his cock. He doubted the time it took him to come down John’s throat could be legitimately measured in minutes rather than seconds.

For a moment, after, John leaned his head against Rodney’s thigh, breath heaving. Rodney’s hands hovered over his head, wanting to stroke but so unsure, and then John got up, and without meeting his gaze, slid out the door, leaving Rodney leaning against the wall, breathing heavily and beyond confused.

Two days later he came home at 3 am and John was sleeping in his bed. He wanted to start a conversation, or maybe even an argument. But he was too tired to talk and too wired for sleep and if he was honest with himself the Major being in his bed had got him from zero to bursting out of his pants between one breath and the next. Within five minutes he was finally doing what he’d wanted from the beginning; he had his mouth around John’s cock and John was quickly coming apart. Ten minutes after that, he was fucking John hard from behind and John was biting back moans. Ten minutes after that, they were mercifully asleep and in the early hours when Rodney’s alarm went off for another ridiculously long shift, John was already gone.

And then there were wraith in the city and Peter Grodin was dead and Rodney was on military grade speed and John was the thing that brought him down and John was the thing that kept him going, and he was quickly getting used to John Sheppard’s body being there for him when he needed, even though he never dared ask for anything and just took whatever, whenever it was offered. And even if the silent Major was saying less and less by the day and looking more and more lost and increasingly dangerous.

And then John was saying ‘So long, Rodney,’ and Rodney was so absorbed in the clusterfuck of his own job right now that it wasn’t til afterwards that with absolute clarity he realised this man he was gone on saw his own life, his own body, as entirely disposable.

He finally understood what it meant to be a soldier, and what it meant to love a soldier. 


End file.
